epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
