I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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