what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
