So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
