I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
