i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
