I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
