We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
