i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
