I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
