SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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