Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize