Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
