I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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