is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
