trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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