I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
