so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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