great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
