remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
