think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
