She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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