I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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