Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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