I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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