I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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