Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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