He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i think im in europe. pls send help
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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