I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
