Someone shit on the floor
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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