Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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