Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
