When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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