that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
