Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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