Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
