Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
