So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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