We need to rekindle our bromance
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
