well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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