remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
