I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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