People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
