So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
