can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
