the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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