I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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