thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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