I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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