Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
