Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
