C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
