I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
