the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
