I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
