I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
