You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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