So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
