You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
