i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
