Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
